I dont mind standing out in your corner in the pouring rain

i have alot on my mind..really i do. there so much bugging me, i can't stand the fact that everything i done in the fact was out of rebellion to my mom. The drugs ,the fights with my sister, the sneaking out, everything..shes hurt me so much guys..everyone always says that parents love you but this is beyond me..she neglects me, she hurts me when shes drunk, she calls me a dumbass when i do little stupid things, calls me a whiner when i just want to sit down and cry about dad..I MEAN its been a year, if a very important person in your life just dissapeared, wouldnt you just want to have a little while to cry? when at first, i stayed strong for Tawnya and all the rest of my family..because im really the only thats kept us together. So many people can be so mean, theres ain't no sense in the way people act any more. if they had any idea what goes on some peoples life, and they experienced it first hand mabye they wouldnt be that way. NO i have no reason to cut myself or do stupid shit like that, but hey i have a reason to cry. I HATE it when people tell some people they have no reason too. I don't cut myself, I don't try suicide, i don't do anything like that..so why should people ban me from getting down on myself. Ive come a long way, i didnt lose it when all this happened, ive done alot of things that have hurt me emotionally and physically but ive never once said " no one has a worse life than i do"..because theres ALOT of people who have it worse than i do..i just wish some of these assholes who call themselves humans would walk one day in my shoes, or in Micheals, or some of the people who got it hard..they wouldnt be able to handle it...try getting pushed against lockers for something you like, or threatened, or being scared to go home everyday from school. Thats how it is, and its about time i started worrying about people who put me down, ive never let people do it in real life because they'd get their asses wooped. But online ive got so much shit (not really anyone from BJP to be honest) not really towards me but to other people, sometimes i wanna pop people who whine about how they look, but for other reasons they have every right..and i betcha a buck some people on other forums would never say that shit to their face..I BETCHA. well im done, im pissed, and im not caring any more..a journal is about your THOUGHTS and this is what IM thinking. i dont care who leabes rude things about me because they don't know me, and i really think anyone who just gets off on talking to people like they ain't shit online, is a pussy in real-life.

well new years eve was awesome, really got closer to micheal..i love him so much..hes the light of my day, i really get off the bus everyday just to know hes coming to see me every weekend..I havent told my mom yet, im waiting for the right moment, just one moment to put the piece of shit in her place.
Sometimes i really think the worlds got something planned for me, i know ive been through alot, but i know its for a reason..I can barely get hurt with anything any more, and i speak my thoughts out of my head. I know this is stupid but i want to be in politics when i get older. I know ya'll think online that im stupid, but i could sit in class and have a 4 hour debate on stuff. i know alot, i love history and i love listening about religions in everywhere. What im really fascinated by now is Pagonism. I love that stuff, and im debating why my mom thinks Satanism and Pagonism are related..ticks the heck out of me..i think their not, its odvious. People are so stupid..


sorta a poem i aint finished

Kick, Push me, Abuse me
it doesnt matter any more
Im giving up on you more and more everyday
and its taking longer to pick myself off the floor
i cant smile if try
i always have the same sad expression
people don't know what im going through so they get the wrong impression

well that half, i plan on it being longer. Im stayed outta school so i got all the time i need...*rubs contacts*

well later people ^_^
Dealer

 

It's the cycle. An embittered child grows up to be an embittered adult, and all the hate and venom they felt as children are forced upon their own kin. Those children grow up to have kids of their own and they too apply the same, terrible emotions onto them as well.

The cycle simply keeps revolving unless, finally, someone stands up and says "Not my child."

It's up to you now. You are going to be the one who molds and shapes who your baby will become. Are you going to take out all your hates and frustrations on your child, just like your mom does, or are you going to become a better woman, struggle to compete in school- eventually college. Are you going to become wealthy and give your baby the childhood you never had?

It's a conscious effort you have to make now. I'm sure you're telling yourself "Of course I'm not going to become like my mom." I'm sure your mom might have said the same thing about herself. But if pain and misery is all you've ever known, then the odds are against you simply because of how you're programmed.

Become a better person, kick *ss in school and move on to better places. Don't rely on your b/f, at least not yet, for love is fleeting when you're still in HS. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Make a conscious effort not to become like your mother, live like you know you're not going to become like her. Deal with the woman for as long as it takes, then get out to college, achieve something. Become a politician, or what ever you want to be.

Live for your baby, take him or her away from all the bad things so that he/she will have the opportunities you were deprived from. Your child will be your legacy, and will be a testament to the path you chose to walk in life.

 

I think people never think that far ahead wertitis. An imprint on society is not to think but to act >.>; so..inconscievably granduer that falls in pail comparison to an individual. but meh >.>. you pretty much just knocked the crap out of what i would have said but with better grammer >.>