I promise I won't....

I remembered why I care so much about others.... why I cried when I saw that uncut video of that car bomb that went of in Isreal over a year ago... for that girl with the blood running down her face as a man carried her away from the smoldering wreckage that had been a bus full of women and children.... Yes I would rather care about others than myself... My mom is annoyed that I don't take better care of myself... but I'd rather forget myself sometimes. Helping others... is a way to forget about me, a way to forget about my pathetic excuses for being depressed. Why should I feel sorry for myself? That girl has much greater problems than I do. The tsunami victims, the hurricane victims, the poor of Africa, the poor of any nation, THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO HAVE A BETTER REASON TO FEEL SORRY FOR THEMSELVES. HOW DARE I? I'm so dam selfish... and yet all I can do is cry... All I can do is feel sorry... be depressed.... I really am pathetic.... Sometimes I wish I had never been born... I wish I wasn't the way I am.... but I'm so lucky... so lucky that I can mentally beat myself up over my selfishness... to realise that others do suffer much more than I probably ever will... to be able to help others... to be able to care... It is a gift... and I should be thankful, not crying like a wee little babe... what right do I have to cry? My tears are worthless...

I wrote resently that I never cry myself to sleep.... I always write until I feel empty inside... In the end all I am is empty....

 

sweety we really need to talk! ^_^

 

and who gives a damn about how other people are? Be cold..BE distant rid yourself of emotions..and embrace GOTHICISM!!! ..right. I just felt like leaving a comment since we hardly ever talk on msn anymore. well later.