Inu-Yasha Kikyo's Letter to Santa

The following is a message posted on http://groups.msn.com/KikyoHaters
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Dear Santa,

I know I haven't been a good girl this year, but it's not my fault! Ya, I know I mope around a lot and feel sorry for my undead ass, but it's not my fault! I didn't choose to be brought back from the dead...so therefore I can be as nasty, hateful and vengeful as I want! HA!

For Christmas I would like to have my soul back. And don't give me that "it's moved on" crap. It's MINE! Yes, I know I died and TECHNICALLY it's not mine anymore...but I need it in order to be happy in hell with my ex-boyfriend. I don't give a damn that he may have found happiness with my reincarnation...I killed him...his ass is MINE. Besides, I get a kick out of messing with his head.

What's that...he wasn't the one who killed me, you say? Bullshit! You see these wounds on my fake clay body here? They won't go away! No matter how much Oil of Olay I slather on, the scars won't go away!

Which brings me to item #2 on my list. I want...no...I DEMAND a new and better body. Perhaps something like...marshmallows. Marshmallows are soft and squishy and everyone loves marshmallows! Ohh ohhh...or perhaps polar fleece? I mean...cut a zombie some slack would ya? This clay body chips all the time and does NOTHING for my complexion. It takes me 15 bottles of moisturizer a DAY to maintain it AND it makes me look fat.

I also want more miko powers. Maybe some of those new exploding arrows I saw on eBay? What?! What do you mean I'm not really a miko anymore?! Oh, so you're going to hold that whole "I live off the souls of innocent dead women" thing against me now? Screw you fatso! I am Kikyo...the super zombie miko ***** from feudal era japan. How else am I supposed to take over the world if I don't have more power? Forget it...I'll just hit up Naraku. Monkey boy could never say no to ME.

Oh...and let's do something about my clothes. My pants are ridiculous and people keep comparing me to some "M.C Hammer" person. Some florals and pastels maybe...red and white are SO last season. Cross bones and hell fire prints are also acceptable. Perhaps something a bit more form fitting? My reincarnation gets ALL the attention.

How about a complete make-over? I could use a hair cut...I spend a fortune on shampoo and conditioner! And how about a perfume that will actually do something about this "stench of death" thing I have going on. People should fear me because I am omnipotent...not because I stink.

And would you tell the big guy upstairs to stop trying to get me to "cross over"? I will go when I am good and ready damnit! There are still WAY too many people I have to make miserable and guilty for living when I didn't.

I think that about covers it. I expect prompt delivery of all the goods and services I have requested. If you don't, I will hunt you down and pin your sorry ass to the nearest tree.

Love Kikyo

 

that is funny
isay this from a funny view point
not any other view point

 

I thought is was a little funny, but I don't think she would act like that, and some of that info was misleading.

 

Well, it WAS intended to be a joke and a bit of Inu Yasha satire. Lighten up people! It's Christmas!

 

lol... i thought my sister was going to pass out she was laughing so hard... anyway. it's the funniest thing i've read all day.

 

Indeed! Tis the season to be jolly! I personally loved it.

KaiyonTormentor

 

wow... i reading this on my break from studying and it sure did release some stress.

 

..... there were some misleading facts.

I don't have much of a sense of humor.....

 

I liked it. Very funny. And some what true.

 

lol thats realy funny

 

Yay!!

U Da Wo-man!! U Rock!!! This Has Lightened Up My Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

That was very funny! I loved it. You should do more if these, especially about Kikyo. ^__^

 

Cute......Well that part about the clothes..they look bad so..hope SANTA
returns the letter with her wishes