Creative Writing Poem: The Five of Us

This is a poem I wrote about me and my best friends splitting up.
It's kind of corny but tell me what you think of it.

THE FIVE OF US
It started two summers ago,
When the new girl came.
We became friends,
Friends, who were supposed to go,
Through anything

Another girl and two boys
Came to be
To make the five of us.
We were the best of friends,
Ones who you could trust.

We talked about the things to come.
We did not know
The group would soon be
Five minus one.

One of us was leaving
Not for forever
But it seemed that way
He was going
Far, far away.

You do the math
Three girls and one boy
Is the sum
And none of them knew
What was to come.

We all stayed
The best of friends
But all best things,
come to an end.

We had fights
Name-calling and bickering
Insults, stabs in the back.
We never got
What we had back.

After that we fell apart
Maybe it was because
The first boy moved away.
It had affected us all
In a way.

What if he didn't move away?
And he stayed.
Would things be different?
Or would they be the same?

What if we didn't have those fights?
I wonder that everyday.
Would eveything be all right?
Or would they be the same?

I don't know what happened to us
But that's all right
As I move on with life
I know that my I can trust
And in my heart
Will always be
The Five of Us.

 

Man I so want to have something where people are not afraid of critics. None really says anything here.

Anyway I thought it was okay. I think it needs some work then it would be great. But if you want to work on it, it is up to you. I always revise everything until I get it just right. I think the little bits of rhyming is throwing me off. And in some parts the words don't link.

If you like it how it is leave it how it is. It is bold of you to even post a poll on it. All that matters is what you think.

 

very nice. i really liked it. some parts as Basher said threw me off but still it was still great. In my opion don't rhyme if u arn't going to do the whole thing in a rhyme..just a suggestiong. but truly magnificent. Gets a ten in my book Keep it up

 

Uh. I'll have to agree with Nightmare. If you start a poem with rules such as rhyming, then you must end it the same way. If you decide for it to be a free verse, then be it like that for the rest of the poem. Anyway, the story behind is moving. I like it.

 

I love all poetry and I can tell it came from your heart and you meant the
words and to me that's a great poem!

 

What that supposed to mean??? lol im just joking . also i loved this forgot to put that in my last post. but the free writting i could see that rhyming on one stanza was needed and on the other that it wasn't.

 

i loved the poem!
it reminded me of something that happened to me in the past...only it was two of us. me and my boy.

 

Literary devices, consistent rhyming scheme, or even a really engaging story... really all sort of missing. I'm sorry, but I am not a fan.

 

i thought that it was pretty good. but i would fix a few things in each stanza.

 

I liked it. It does remind me of an event in the past with a group of best friends...We all changed and drifted apart when high school and relationships started.

Sad...We still talk...but we're all more like acquaintances now.