Creative Writing Trying to write poems again

Ok im going to try and start writeing my poems again it been some time so please for give me.

The Darkend Moon By: Alexzandra Sweet Blood ​

As i walk out side to im brace my true form the form that i was born in. Filling the pull of the full moon make me shiverevery now and then i see it high the the sky druning the day fill the power then then. I may not be very pretty and i may not be very smart and im not at all very tiwy. But i do know one thing im a hunter of the moon my power come from the moon make me change in to my true form. The form i was born in eveny day i must pull on the skin of a human and act like them be like them and even smell like them. It make my noise burn just haveing to smell the let alone the smell of them all put in a small room sweating away. If i could have my way i would be running out of that room riping the clothes that contan my naked fleash with in them and truning right there right in front of them. Truning in to the thing they fear the most and wolf to be more up to it a Ahla werewolf. With my white fur shinning in the moon light. My mother was a albino wolf and my father a white wolf i do not have any fanmily left the pack was hunted and killed im all thats left im the last im the only one of my kind hear on this cruseded earth. If only i could tell some one if only i had a friend a mate some one to sahre my life my soul my love and my bed with i would not be so lonely. Some day i will find it some day i will not have to hide under the darkend moon i will run free like i should be. Run free like a wolf should huting and careing for young but no i just walk out the door taking the moon light in and going on my way to the human life.​

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Sounds like you've been watching Ginger Snaps.


It's not bad, the grammar and spelling could use a little work. There are a few parts that are a tad bit fuzzy.

I'm not quite sure if this is poetry or not (there's no rhythm or 'beat' to it) but it's interesting none the less.

~W

 

wow dude, thats.....cool. i really liked it, but then again dont take my opinion to heart. I love all poetry :shy:

 

:d

Thanks. I try and do my best and ill prewriet every thing so you all will be better asnd knowing what im saing. Th poems just about how i wont to be able to run free and be my self with out having to be "cained" down. I hope you all will injoy my others poems soon to come.

All Ways In Darkness
Alexzandra

 

It is interesting. Needs spelling and sentence structure.

Nice work other then that.

 

hehe

Yeah ive been tring to get in the mood but all i get is blah..it suck ass. Maybe i just need a better job cuse befor this one i was writing like a mad woman. Lol i hope im not broing you all to death at time's ill try and find my old poem book and put the good ones in for you all.

 

Can anyone post poetry on here??
or do I have to ask permission of headstrong??


(^_^)

"Zap'em, Zap'em..........Damn bug light......ZAP THE DAMN FLIES!!"

 

headstrong created this particular thread. Unless she's fine with you posting your own alongside hers you might be better off simply starting your own thread, that way you're not sharing the limelight with anyone else. All the work anyone will see and/or critique would be your own. Just go to Creative Writing and click on start new thread.

That's what I would do at least.

~W

 

New Thread

thanks for the heads up W I think that's what i'll do, just gather my things together...

i'm still tweeking what i can do with all the buttons on here >:O) {hehe}

 

New poem

Ive got a new poem about me and wolves, well not a true poem just feelings of it hear ill let you pick.
hope you all like it

love alex




Heart racing, blood pumping life throw my vains. The rush of air over my body, going wild and free.

Hearing the light padding of my brethern paw's around me, looking up to see a full hunters moon glaring its powerful light apon my wolven face. The smell of pray making up pick up speed sending me in the lead.

Leaping in to the air diving apon the back of a 12 point buck, all that was running throw my mind was....food, kill, running... Digging my my claws in to the back of a bucking dear, then sinking my teeth in to the neck filling the blood por for the pray. He falls mosenless to the earth.

Looking up i see the brothern they see the buck and howl out in victroy, running to me licking me jumping around. I was a hero to them i had my frist kill i was one of the clan.

then silents as the leader walks gracfuly to me, with beaty and wonerdfulness every one bows. Looking in to the beautful blue eyes of the wolf who i call master i bow, in retrun he bows back and bites my neck making a part of him and a part of the clan.

Leting out a howl of joy i jump around like a pup, as we all let out a howl in to the night air. As the crys fade i open my eyes to see it was only a dream, to see that it could never be. But rolling over i see the man of my dream open his eyes the blue eyes of the same wolf.

With a mile and hold my wolf lover as he holds me, saying that i was a part of them and i was, i was a part of a family, i was a wolven leader.

 

Ok, this is a little strange even by my tastes but creative writing is interpretive so I'll faithfully leave a few thoughts about your work.

Spelling has improved, however there are a few errors here and there. Grammar and flow is stop and go, but it's nothing too bad. I can't say I really care for this story, but that's just personal prefrence speaking. I'm starting to notice a trend with your writings. You seem to love wolves.

Meh, that's fine. Here's to your development as a writer.


~W

 

I kind of have to agree with Wert on this one. Personally the bad grammar and spelling really take away from it for me, not to mention the stereotype you seem to pin on the wolves you seem to like so much that in being a wolf, the main aspect is simply to kill and to taste blood. Though I guess it's all up to you what you really think of how wolves act and their instincts/mindset, but eh... I couldn't disagree with you more on that, but yet again it's just my opinion.

 

Originally by Alexzandra Sweet Blood AKA Headstrong
Rewritten by Jackabee….

As I walk outside to embrace my true form, the form that I was born in. Feeling the pull of the full moon makes my shivery, and now and then I see it high in the sky during the day. Feel the power then. I may not be very pretty, I may not be very smart, and I am not at all very tiny(?), but I do know one thing; I am a hunter of the moon. My power comes from the moon and makes me change into my true form, the form I was born in. Everyday I must pull on the skin of a human and act like them, even smell like them. It makes my nose burn just having to smell that let alone the smell of a bunch of them all crammed into a small room, sweating away. If I could have my way, I would be running out of that room, ripping of the clothes that contain my bare flesh and transforming into a wolf right before their very eyes; turning into the very thing they fear most, a wolf, no, a werewolf, with snowy white fur that shone in the moonlight. My mother was an albino wolf and my father, a white wolf. I do not have any family left. The pack was hunted and killed. I’m all that is left. I’m the last one of my kind here on this cursed earth. If only I could tell some one. If only I had a friend or a mate, some one to share my life, my soul, my love, and my bed with, then I would not be so lonely. Some day I will find it. Some day I will not have to hide under the darkened moon. I will run free like I should be. Run free like a wolf should, hunting and caring for the young, but for now I just walk out the door taking in the moonlight and going on my way in this miserable human life.


Edited by Jackabee:

I edited mainly for misspelled words. If I were to do the grammar, I would have basically rewritten it (like I did for the first one). Oh and the first one still has some grammar errors even though I rewrote it. I don't know what you originally had in mind so some parts are guesses.

P.S. Dictionaries are your friend....

 

thank you all and have a marry x-mass